Won't You Let Me Know?
by blackwidow73
Summary: Margaret made the mistake of using the most dangerous sentence that one friend could ever say to another, "I love you".
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Three Words

Words. Simple, short little words. Everything that is complicated seems to start with the shortest and simplest of words. They're dead for example, or will you marry me? Sentences that everyone has heard, and no one mistakes their meanings. Margaret had made the mistake of using the most dangerous sentence that one friend could ever say to another, "I love you".

Did she love him? That was the question that had been circling her head ever since the sentence left her mouth.

Sitting at her desk in her tent, she tried to block the rest of the world out and think through what had happened. From the moment that her, Hawkeye and Klinger had been chosen to go together to the Battalion Aid station, to the moment that Hawkeye kissed her in the Officer's Club. It was all a blur to her, but she still had to force herself to figure it out. There was no way that she could go out there and face everyone without any answers. Sure, she didn't say it loud enough for everyone there to hear, but she knew that Hawkeye talked to Trapper, and they would use it against Frank and soon everyone would know.

"Major Houlihan?" Radar called from the door as he began to knock.

"What?" she yelled, irritated at the disturbance.

"I have a delivery for you! It's from Major Burns, he says that it's urgent!" Radar explained as best as he could through the door.

Margaret huffed as she stood up and went to open the door. "What is it?" she sharply questioned.

"Here ma'am," Radar said as he handed her an envelope.

Margaret's face softened as she studied the item for a moment before taking it. "Thank you Corporal," she said, blankly staring down at the unopened letter. Without even paying attention, she closed the door in Radar's face.

Carrying it over to her bed, she tried to think of what the letter could say. Usually, it was some sort of love note and she would be excited to receive it, but this time, she wasn't so sure. It was almost as if she were afraid to open it.

If Frank knew what was going on, the odds were that everyone else also knew. He was the one to always find out about things last, so really, this letter was about to tell her whether or not people were out there talking about her. Whether or not she could leave her tent without having people laugh at her or talk about her in passing.

She finally forced herself to rip open the envelope and unfold the paper placed within it. "I'll meet you tonight after they go to sleep," she read to herself. Anti-climatic. She let out a sigh of relief and tossed the note aside. She kept in the back of her head though, that this was only a temporary relief. Sooner or later, they would all know.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Dance

Hawkeye walked aimlessly through out the camp. There was no where in particular that he wanted to be, and no one that he really wanted to talk to right now. All he wanted to do was think about what had just happened, sort out something that he wasn't too sure of.

_Hawkeye, Trapper, Frank, Margaret, Klinger, Radar, and Henry all sat together in the Officer's Club. Hawkeye sat more with Trapper, Henry, Klinger, and a nearly passed out Radar while Margaret and Frank stayed somewhat to themselves. The two weren't isolated, but they really weren't talking to the others, not even to each other for that fact. _

"_You know, I really didn't know whether or not you would make it back here or not," Henry confessed as he lifted his glass to take a drink. _

"_S'true. He n' Radar were worr'd sick," Trapper added, slurring his speech. _

"_That's not fair!" Radar argued, although it was evident that he wasn't too sure of what they were talking about. "I, I slept there once! Only once!" _

"_Now be honest, who did ya miss more? Me, the fashionable Klinger, or this guy over here?" Klinger questioned, motioning over to Hawkeye. _

"_Now that's not fair," Hawkeye stated. "I can only pull off this thing." He held up his collar for a moment and then shrugged. "Of course, I don't think you're supposed to be able to pull off what you do," he mentioned. _

"_All part of the package sir," Klinger responded, holding up his drink. _

_Hawkeye softly laughed and then looked across the table to Margaret. Although he had had a few drinks, he could see that she wasn't enjoying herself. There was something wrong. "And how about this one over here?" he announced, standing up and walking around the table to stand behind her. _

_Margaret and Frank both turned around to watch him. Frank was more ready to jump up and tell him to back while Margaret was just curious. _

"_I don't think I would have made it through the night without this one here," Hawkeye said as he laid his hand on her shoulder. _

_Margaret's eyes widened at the statement. "I wouldn't go that far Pierce," she argued. She was about to say something, but Klinger beat her to talking. _

"_No! It's true! You should have seen those two together this morning. Sharing a blanket, smiling," Klinger informed everyone. _

_Trapper raised his glass. "I'll drink to that one!" he laughed in admiration of his friend. _

_Margaret glared to him. "It's not what you think!" she yelled. _

_Frank just joined her glaring. "How dare you two go around, tarnishing the Major's good name?" he asked, and then looked over to Margaret. He was too afraid to come out and ask her what really happened, so he kept his mouth shut. _

"_Now, now, boys and girls, and whatever he is down there," he said pointing to Klinger. "I can vouch for little miss hotlips. Nothing happened." _

"_I believe that you should address her as Major, Captain," Frank sternly informed him. _

_Margaret sighed. "Frank, he is sticking up for me, leave it at that," she warned. _

"_But Margaret?" Frank began to whine. _

_Margaret didn't even have to say anything, just raise her eyebrows and he backed down. _

_A silence fell over the room. It was as if they could all feel some sort of tension between Hawkeye and Margaret, not a bad one, but just that there was indeed something present. This was the part where Hawkeye later thought to blame himself for what had happened between them. _

_Henry clumsily stood up and looked down to Radar, who was laying his head down on the table. "Hey, Trapper, ya think ya could help me pull him outta here?" he asked. _

"_Sure. But where do we leave him?" Trapper questioned. _

"_Well, how should I know?" Henry implored. _

_Trapper started to laugh. "Let's leave him in OR with a bandage on his belly. We could tell him that we took out one of his kidneys," he suggested. _

"_Say now," Henry responded and then started to attempt to lift the boy. _

"_Being the most sober one here, I think I'll help you two out," Klinger offered as he stood up. _

_With that, the small group left, leaving Hawkeye, Margaret, and Frank. Not wanting to eventually be left alone with Frank, Margaret looked over to him. "Don't you have Post Op duty in a few minutes?" she inquired. _

_Frank thought that he caught on to what Margaret was implying, and smiled. "Yes, I do. And I'll be off in a few hours," he tried to lie, but it wasn't all that convincing. _

_As soon as Frank left, Hawkeye went and took his seat. "You've been quiet all night," he said. _

"_Well, I usually don't care to join in on the talk of the drunks," Margaret replied. _

"_Unless one of them?" Hawkeye questioned. _

_Margaret briefly glared to him, but he was right. There were times where she drank more than the men, and there was no dignified way to work around that. So looked away and went back to the drink before her. _

_Hawkeye could see the way that she backed down, but didn't say anything about it. He wished she would have though, the awkward silence bothered him. Instead of trying to force some conversation, he decided to stand up and extend his hand. "Would you like to dance?" he offered. _

_Margaret truly didn't feel like it, but it was Hawkeye, and right now, that meant a lot to her. _

"_Come on Major, one dance. What do ya say?" Hawkeye asked, trying to get her to quit hesitating. _

_Margaret finally gave in, after finding out how hard I truly was to turn him down, especially with those blue eyes of his. "Okay," she said, grabbing his hand and standing up. _

_The two walked over towards the center of the room and started to dance. It was a slower song. Normally, she would have made room in between them, but without even noticing it, she got closer to him. _

_Hawkeye smiled, he knew what she was doing. He looked down and watched as she laid her head on his shoulder. _

_That was the moment that those words were muttered from her lips. "I love you," she said. _

_Slowly, Hawkeye grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back away from him and kept her at arms length. "What?" he asked. _

"_Nothing!" Margaret answered. She was starting to panic as she realized what she had said. "If you'll excuse me Captain," she said right before nearly running out of the building. _

That was the night before, more than twelve hours ago. The only time that he remembered seeing Margaret after that was in the morning when she snuck out of her tent for a little bit, and then went back to hiding. It was now just starting to get dark out, and the only person who had talked to Margaret so far was Radar, and all he did was deliver the letter.

Instead of going back to the swamp, he decided to go ahead and have dinner in the mess tent. Walking into the place, he looked around and scanned the crowd. He did manage to find Margaret, but he could see that she was trying to stay hidden, so instead of going to join her, he went and sat down by Trapper after getting his food.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Temporary

Trapper sat on his cot as he skimmed through one of the magazines that he had received in the mail that day. Today was mostly just a quiet day, there was no wounded, and there was maybe one or two patients in post op.

The silence though, was almost disturbed as Hawkeye came in and laid down on his cot. No words. Not even a sigh. "That good of a day huh?" Trapper implored, looking over the top of his magazine.

"Yep," Hawkeye responded as he laid his arm over his eyes.

Trapper looked over for a moment. "Hey, did something happen that I should know about?" he questioned as he set the magazine down next to him.

"No," Hawkeye flatly answered. The man who always had something to say, was now only speaking in one word responses.

"Come on Hawk, you're acting as if you just heard terrible news, like our dry spell of wounded is going to end in a few minutes and the next batch is supposed to make up for the past few days," Trapper said.

Hawkeye lifted his arm up and looked to Trapper out of the corners of his eyes. "Although that would be what one would expect around here, I don't think that I would be the one to tell, most of the messengers would be too afraid to get me that upset. Besides, that's not it. I'm just tired and I would really appreciate it if you would be quiet and yet me take a nap," he venomously explained.

There was no underlying anger towards Trapper, he just didn't want to tell him what was bothering him. For the past two days, he had been thinking about what Margaret had told him, and for the past two days, that same woman had been avoiding him like he was carrying some fatal disease.

Trapper stood up. "Well, don't let me get in your way," he said as he walked out of the tent.

Hawkeye sighed as he briefly closed his eyes. The part about him being tired wasn't a lie, he hadn't slept all that well the night before. He was too busy thinking.

Sitting up, he realized that he was by himself. This was his chance. He got up and walked over to Margaret's tent and knocked. "Major! I think I need to talk to you!" he called to her through the door.

Trapper, who was standing out side of the mess tent, saw this and decided to just watch before going in. He knew that there was something going on. Ever since the three had returned, there had been something between those two.

"What is it?" Margaret asked as she quickly opened the door. Right now, the last person that she wanted to be talking to was standing before her. It wasn't all his fault though, it was hers. She was the one that embarrassed herself the other night, and she was the one who created the awkwardness that she couldn't stand.

"Any chance I could come in? I don't think you wanna talk about this out here," Hawkeye requested. He tell she was anxious about the whole thing, which made him feel bad. He never wanted her to be punished because of her feelings.

"Sure," she answered and then stepped aside.

Hawkeye stepped in and sat down on the edge of her cot. He didn't want to say anything until he knew that she was ready. As he watched her quickly shut the door and then turn to him with her hands on her hips, he could already tell that this wasn't going to be easy at all.

"Well?" Margaret asked.

Hawkeye rolled his eyes. "Margaret, I think you know why I came here," he stated.

"Because I said one stupid thing after I had had a couple of drinks?" she questioned, acting offended.

Hawkeye got up and stood before her. "So, that's all it was? A couple of drinks and a dance?" he inquired.

Margaret remained motionless. Her face began to soften as his blue eyes stared into hers. He was able to do something with her that no one else was ever able to do. He was able to see through her small little acts. "Yes," she answered as steadily as she could.

"Are you sure? 'Cus I'm pretty sure that both Klinger and I had some temporary feelings for you too," he announced.

Margaret looked to him with confusion. "No you didn't," she denied everything. At first, she thought that her feelings towards him were a bit far fetched, they were too different and he always annoyed her anyways. But the thought of him liking her? That was absolutely ridiculous. He spent most of his time trying to get around her orders and do what ever he wanted. He would always undermine her authority.

Margaret turned her back to him and started messing with a few papers on her desk, organizing them.

Hawkeye moved to the side so that he could be in her view and leaned his arm against the door. "Why not? Margaret, we were up at the front risking our lives! None of us knew whether we would ever come back here! When you go through something like that with other people, you instantly become closer to them. So if you had feelings for me, I understand. Even if you didn't have the same for Klinger," he explained. In all honesty, he knew why. They shared the same blanket, he had spoken to her when she was scared, he was the one that helped her. He would never know how much he had helped her, but he did.

With a heavy sigh, Margaret turned back to him. "You're right," she confessed.

"See? That wasn't so hard now was it?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," she said. "After your reaction I thought that I freaked you out, and to have people overreacting to something I didn't even mean is just stupid," she stated.

Hawkeye lowered his head for a moment. He was at blame for this. "Look," he said raising his head back up. "I shouldn't have reacted that way, but those words aren't usually sprung up on someone like that. But you're right, I should have been a bit more understanding," he apologized.

"It's all right," she responded.

The room fell silent. Each of them were afraid to say anything for the time being. There was a tension between them. Both of them could feel it, but they both denied it. For the first time in a while, Margaret felt completely vulnerable. Just from his presence, she was anxious.

"Was that all?" she asked, breaking the eye contact that they had held.

Hawkeye quickly looked between her and the door. "Uh, yeah," he said. "I'll see you later," he stated before hurrying out of the tent.

Margaret stood there and sighed as she sat down at her desk. "If these feelings are so temporary, then why do I still have them?" she whispered to herself.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Tonight

One week had passed. One week of Hawkeye and Margaret still avoiding each other, feeling that any sort of movement around each other could give the other one the wrong idea.

Trapper knew what was going on. He could see that Frank was getting kicked out of Margaret's tent more often and that he staying over in the swamp more. He could see Margaret and Hawkeye glancing up at each other every time that they were in the same room. It was basic knowledge when people acted like that, that they had feelings.

Trapper and Hawkeye stood in the swamp as they changed their clothes after surgery. They were getting ready to go and say goodbye to Henry since this was his last night with them. As Trapper sat on the edge of his cot putting his boots back on, he could see Hawkeye distantly staring towards Margaret's tent.

"So, how do you think Frank and ol' Hotlips'll mess up the place after Henry's gone?" Trapper asked, waiting to see how Hawkeye was going to react. He wanted something to prove his theory right, and his defending her would be enough proof.

Hawkeye quickly turned to him. "I don't wanna even think about that right now," Hawkeye answered. Instead of coming up with anything smart or witty to say, he left it. As of lately, he didn't feel right making fun of Margaret the way that he used to. Besides, he was too distracted by his own thoughts at the moment to even try to think of a remark.

A smile crept across Trapper's face as he watched his friend. "You like her don't you?' he questioned.

"If you haven't noticed, it hasn't exactly been other men that I have been chasing around," Hawkeye remarked.

Trapper laughed as he stood up. "I mean, more than other women," he corrected himself.

Hawkeye sighed as he stood up from his cot. "All right, maybe I do," he admitted. "What about it? Its not like I can just go over there and tell her, hey I love you let's go out," he stated.

Trapper laughed. "Come on Hawk, you know that's ridiculous," he argued.

"You know something I don't? Hawkeye implored.

"I do know that you two have been sneaking peaks at each other when ever the other isn't looking. I also know that ferret face has here more than he has been there." Trapper explained.

Hawkeye went and grabbed his boots. "I haven't noticed Frank being here more often," he said as he took his boots back to his cot with him and sat down.

"You were too busy looking for her," Trapper replied. He walked over and sat down next to Hawkeye and waited until he was done with his boots. "I think you had better talk to her before you start obsessing," he informed him.

Hawkeye sighed and looked around to check and see if anyone else was there to hear what he was about to say. "Look," he started, looking Trapper in the eyes. "The night that we came back, after everyone had left, the two of us danced. She decided to tell me then that she loved me," he carefully whispered.

"Really?" Trapper questioned in disbelief and then glanced over to her tent. He knew that she got flirty when she drank, but this was a bit much. "I think you have a slight with her," he stated and then stood up and went over to the mirror to check if he needed to shave.

"I wish I could believe that," Hawkeye commented as he stood up.

"Would I lie to you?" Trapper asked as he turned back to face him.

"Yes," Hawkeye answered with a smile.

Trapper shrugged. "All right then, I think you have no chance with her what so ever."

Hawkeye excitedly pointed to him. "That's the answer I was looking for," he said and then headed for the door. "Now come on, we're gonna be late. The booze will all be gone if we wait too much longer," he stated.

"Coming mother," Trapper remarked as he followed him.

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

That next day, Henry Blake died. The news hit everyone hard. Right after OR that day, everyone left with their heads down, and no talking amongst them.

Margaret, the one who maybe cried for a mere moment, the one who told people to get back to work a few times after the announcement, solemnly went back to her tent.

Her eyes were glazed over. She had heard Hawkeye and Trapper talking about getting as drunk as they possibly could and wished that she could do the same. Just let go and lose herself. Not tonight though.

Booze had a funny way of making your actions mirror those around you. If everyone else was happy, then you were going around, laughing and dancing and talking and everything was fine. On the other hand, when everyone was sad and scared and depressed, you were in danger of revealing all of those feelings to everyone. That was a risk that she could not take. Especially after the last time that she got drunk and told Hawkeye that she loved him.

Right now, all she wanted to do was curl up on her cot and cry. Cry about the fact that someone, someone that deep down she cared about and loved, even though she didn't show it too much, died. Cry about the fact that someone who wasn't even involved with the fighting, an innocent person was killed. Cry with the realization that anyone of them could be next, including her.

Laying her head down on the pillow, she let the tears go. She was alone in her tent, where it didn't matter what she did.

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Hawkeye and Trapper each lay on their cots. Hawkeye had had a few drinks, but not as much as he intended to. Trapper had maybe one or two more than he did. It was hard to drink without Henry there. It almost felt like they were cheating on him.

"Now what?" Trapper questioned. His big brown eyes were staring up at the ceiling.

Hawkeye shrugged. "I don't know, wait and see if the next person able to leave makes it home I guess," he replied.

"That's not funny," Trapper informed him.

"Neither is war, but here we are," Hawkeye explained.

Trapper turned and propped his head up on his hand. "You think you should go over and see how hotlips is doing? I haven't seen Frank over there and I know she hasn't left," Trapper suggested.

Hawkeye looked to him with suspicion. "You call me obsessive," he remarked.

"Hey, first off, Frank is on duty. Second, I told you not to become obsessive," he corrected him.

Hawkeye sighed as he sat up. The idea really wasn't all that bad. He knew that she would eventually need someone, and there was the fact that he still wanted to know how she felt about him, and he knew that he would have to talk to her to find out rather than just avoiding her hoping to magically know someday.

"All right," Hawkeye agreed. He stood up and filled a pitcher of the martinis and started for the door. "Wish me luck."

"You don't need it," Trapper responded as he watched him leave.

Hawkeye gathered his courage as he walked across to Margaret's tent. He knew that it wasn't going to be easy at first trying to get her to talk, or even let him in, but it was worth it to try. "Margaret?" he called out as he knocked.

Margaret answered the door. "Pierce?" she asked, sniffling. "What do you want?" she quickly demanded to know.

Hawkeye saw that she had been crying. Her red puffy eyes, the remains of the tears on her face that she had missed. "Can I come in?" he requested.

Margaret knew that it didn't look right, having a man come into her tent in the middle of the night, but she let it go. Tonight, she didn't care. Even if she wasn't going to admit it, she was glad that he did decide to come over. It was nice not being alone anymore. "Sure," she said as she stood off to the side.

Hawkeye walked in and headed straight for her dresser where he placed the pitcher and the glasses. Turning around, he saw Margaret standing there in front of the door that she had just closed. Her glossy eyes were fixated on him. She looked weak, almost vulnerable. "How are you handling all of this?" he implored.

Margaret shrugged. "Fine."

Hawkeye nodded. "Well," he began as he went and sat down on her cot. "You seem to be one of the stronger ones tonight. Radar and Klinger are in the officer's club doing a cry duet of You Don't Know the Troubles I've Seen."

Margaret looked to him with sympathy and joined him. She never showed much kindness towards either Radar or Klinger, but she did feel bad for them, especially Radar. The only one that she was wondering about now was Frank. She hadn't seen him since surgery. "What about Frank?" she implored.

Hawkeye shook his head. "I don't know, I haven't seen him yet," he answered.

Margaret nodded and looked away. She knew that he was probably sitting in either Henry's old office or his tent. Whether or not it was insensitive to the current state of everyone else, she didn't know. "How about you?" Margaret asked, and then turned to face him as she awaited his answer.

Hawkeye stared into her eyes and shrugged. "I wouldn't know how to describe it. I know that he's dead, but it doesn't feel like it. Either way he was going to leave and not come back. At the same time, it bothers me that he never actually made it home. He died trying to get there."

Margaret broke the eye contact. "Oh," she whispered as she blankly stared across the room.

Hawkeye followed her gaze, just to see if there actually was something over there, or if she was just bothered by what he had said. "How do you really feel about it?" he gently asked.

Margaret looked to him. Again, she wanted to say that she was fine. She wasn't though. There was nothing about her that was fine right now. Every nerve in her body was on edge, everything that she thought about had to do with whether or not she would end up like Henry.

She tried to talk, but nothing came out. Nothing. She could tell that Hawkeye knew though. The look of concern in his eyes as he patiently awaited her answer was all too obvious. Suddenly, she felt a tear begin to fall and quickly winced away to try and dry it off.

Hawkeye reached over and cupped her face, turning her back to face him. With his thumb, he wiped the tear away. Badly, he wanted to promise her that she would never get hurt, that he could protect her from everything, but he couldn't. He couldn't lie to her like that. "I wish I could say that there's nothing to be afraid of," he confessed.

Margaret softly laughed in spite of the situation. "So do I," she stated. Carefully, she lifted her hands and grabbed onto his. For a moment, they both stayed still as she held his hands against her face. Almost too quickly though, she took her hands and removed his. "But I don't think that it would actually help," she informed him.

"What would?" he boldly inquired. It took a lot for him to find it in himself to actually go further like that. Right now, he just hoped that he didn't look nearly as nervous as he felt. This was one of the only times that he was honestly nervous with a woman, and in a way, he was thankful for that. The nervousness might have been holding him back, but it also kept him from acting too quickly and doing or saying something stupid.

Margaret started to say several things. All of the answers flowing through her head made her sound stronger than she was right now, made her seem less vulnerable. It was too late for that. It was too late to act like nothing was wrong and it was too late to turn him away.

Lowering her head, she tightly closed her eyes and tried to clear her thoughts, get a straight answer from herself on what was best to do right now. The question that he asked, he saw that she was vulnerable and she instinctively wanted to avoid that image as if it would be the very death of her. Giving up, she looked up to him. "Don't leave," she pleaded.

Hawkeye was taken aback by the request, but kept himself composed. "I won't," he promised.

Silence overcame the room. They both sat there, scared and alone in each others company. Staring into each others eyes, Hawkeye began to noticed the space between them was slowly shrinking. Eventually, his lips were pressed against hers. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him. She accepted, she too wrapped her arms around him, holding on.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Margaret woke up laying on his chest. For a brief moment, she thought that it was Frank, but soon remembered last night. Normally, she would have yelled. She would have been mad. Ordered him to go, but no. Not this time. Not now.

Without waking him, she sat up and looked over. Something was wrong here. This man here, Hawkeye Pierce, was the exact opposite of everything that she was and everything that she stood for. Then again, that was probably why she needed him, he was everything that she herself lacked. She needed him. The question was though, did he need her? While she could sit there and easily list ten reasons why she needed him right off the top of her head, she couldn't think of one good reason that he needed her.

"I suppose you want me out of here," Hawkeye groggily stated as he forced himself up.

Margaret watched him. His messy black hair not yet brushed. For some reason, he could wake up and look even better than he had the night before. Slightly smiling, she looked to him with an odd sort of fascination and admiration. "First clean yourself up. I don't want anyone asking any questions," she ordered.

"Right," Hawkeye said. He sighed as he looked around. Even though he was in her tent, he didn't feel out of place. It was almost right for him to wake up there. Like waking up in your childhood room again, it was familiar and comfortable. "You know Margaret, I hate to break it to you, but Trapper knows that I'm here, and if he knows, Frank probably knows which means at this very moment, he's outside having a mental breakdown."

Margaret's body stiffened. "Trapper knows?" she harshly questioned. The very thought of anyone knowing about last night scared her.

Hawkeye calmly nodded, as if she should have already known. "Of course he does! We share a tent. He saw me walk over here and he saw that I wasn't there this morning. I'm sure he can put two and two together," he explained.

Margaret calmed herself down a bit. It was irrational to even think that what had happened here was a complete secret to everyone. The only thing was, she did not want the entire camp knowing. "Yeah," she commented, more to herself.

Hawkeye slightly laughed at her. He could sense how uneasy she was with all of this. "You know, we're not exactly the first here to do what we just did," he mentioned, trying to keep her calm.

Margaret got out of bed and slowly walked over to her closet and pulled out a change of clothes. "Just because we're not the first doesn't make it right," she argued.

There was a shame in her voice that struck him. He tossed the covers off of himself and sat on the edge of her cot. "Why did you want me to stay last night?" he casually asked.

Margaret froze. Her brain scurried to try and find an answer. Something that she could quickly say. Nothing. Blanks were all that she was drawing. All that was left was the plain old truth, that mortality had set in and it scared her more than anything had ever scared her before. She needed him there to tell her that it was okay, and to distract her, to keep her mind from wondering to those dark places. The ones that people only thought about when they were alone. That corner in your mind that contained everything that scared you, the part that would often play out how those very things would wind up killing you when you least expected it. Last night, she was the frightened child and he was the night light.

"World to Major Houlihan?" Hawkeye called out. "You have a message from a Hawkeye Pierce, he wants you to get to him ASAP."

Margaret turned around and shrugged. "I let myself go for one night," she absently responded.

Hawkeye looked to her with confusion. This was one of the hardest people for him to figure out. She was so scared, but he didn't know why. He knew that he hadn't given her a reason yet to think that he was going to hurt her. "I don't understand," he admitted.

Margaret sighed. "I mean that I allowed myself to be vulnerable and let my emotions control me," she sternly explained. It was too early for all of this. As bad as it was, this morning, a part of her was hoping that he would have left while she was asleep, just so that she could have avoided all of this questioning.

Hawkeye let out a small laugh. "You mean you let yourself be human?" he questioned with amusement. As soon as the words slipped passed his lips, he could see her tense up.

Hawkeye stood up and went over to her. "Come on Margaret. I know that I needed someone last night. What happened to Henry opened a lot of people's eyes. It was something we all knew was possible, but never actually thought would happen. Now that it did, all of us were basically running around, insecure, and looking for something that might possibly take the edge off the fear," he stated. He took a moment as they held eye contact. Her brown eyes, getting ready to fight the forth coming tears that were presently forming. "Are you telling me that last night, you weren't scared? When you were crying and you told me not to leave?" he implored.

"Fine! I needed you!" she sharply confessed.

"See?" he questioned as he grabbed her shoulders. "That wasn't that hard now was it?"

Margaret shot him a glare. "You're acting like I should be proud of what happened here last night," she stated.

Hawkeye shrugged. "I'm not saying you should be proud. I'm also not saying that you should be ashamed either. We needed each other and that was what happened. We were there with each other," he informed her. "Just like the night at the aid station, but with a bit more action."

That last remark caught her attention. The night that she needed him most, the very place and time that she realized how much she truly liked him, admired him. He was a gentleman to her and she appreciated it.

Hawkeye was actually a little confused. He could tell that he got her to stop and think about it. But why was she so embarrassed? Frank had slept with her before. Then again, that was an entirely different thing, and he wasn't about to bring it up. Not now.

"I'm sorry," she sighed with despair.

"About what?" Hawkeye asked, letting go of her shoulders. He was surprised by how long she had allowed him to hold on to her like that. "Last night?"

Margaret shook her head and went to sit down. "I'm not sorry about last night, and I don't think I ever will be," she stated. "Just the whole situation I guess," she explained, staring down with a lack of emotion.

Hawkeye went and grabbed her hand. "Hey, it seems like you need some time to think. I'm just going to dressed and leave. Alright?" he offered, giving her a smile.

Margaret returned the smile and gently squeezed his hand. "I'll come over later," she said.

Hawkeye's smile just grew bigger as he let go of her hand and got ready to leave. Things were still okay between them.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Serious

Hawkeye walked into the Swamp and plopped down on his cot.

"Tired?" Trapper asked, with a slight grin. He knew that his friend had been gone all night. Usually, that meant only one thing.

"Yes," Hawkeye answered. Looking over to him, he heavily sighed. "She promised to see me later," he stated.

Trapper smiled, but there was an undertone of regret that he did not expect to hear in his voice. "Something wrong with that?" he questioned. Maybe there had been a fight that he hadn't known about, or maybe there was less going on than he originally thought.

Hawkeye sat up and shrugged. "I don't know. Last night was great, but this morning it was like she wished she wouldn't have let me in or something," he stated, looking to Trapper with genuine concern. "She was saying that she was grateful I was there, but was acting like all I did was stress her out. I'm getting mixed signals over there," he explained.

Trapper just shrugged. "She did say that she would see you again, right?" he implored, confirming what he had earlier heard.

"Yeah," Hawkeye replied, waiting for him to make his point.

"Well, there you go," Trapper said.

"What?"

Trapper laughed. "Don't you see? She wants to see you again! That means that she made up her mind, she doesn't regret you. As a matter of fact, she most likely wants to repeat," he explained, with the smile coming back.

"How are you so sure that she doesn't want to talk to me about not doing that again?" he inquired. When he first heard her say that she wanted to see him again, he was the happiest man alive, but the more that he thought about it, the more he started to wonder about it. Was there more there than what he was actually seeing?

Trapper sighed. His logic wasn't getting through to him. "How did she look when she said it?" he asked.

"She squeezed my hand and smiled," he informed him.

Trapper just looked to him as if he were nuts. "And you thought that that was some sort of sign that she was going to kill you later?" he joked.

Hawkeye briefly glared to him. "For your information, she could have been smiling out of pity for what she was about to do tonight," he explained.

Trapper rolled his eyes as he stood up. "For your information, some people are paranoid and think too much about a smile," he stated, trying to show him how ridiculous he sounded right now.

Hawkeye just sighed and stared forward. He had plenty to say in response, he was just too busy thinking about everything that could go wrong that night to think of anything to say.

Trapper was about to leave the tent, but stopped before the door and looked to him with some sort of understanding of what was going on. "You really care for her don't you?" he questioned.

Hawkeye looked up and attempted to offer a small smile. "Like you wouldn't believe it," he replied.

Trapper just nodded. This was the first time that he had seen Hawkeye so nervous about a girl. He had seen him get rejected and then try again within five minutes. He was never this worried about getting dumped or turned away. "If she already said she loved you, I don't think you have too much to worry about," he assured him.

"You'd better be right," Hawkeye responded.

"When am I ever wrong?" Trapper asked and then left.

Hawkeye just sighed and looked back towards Margaret's tent. Never before had he hoped so much that Trapper was right.

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

"And I think that should be put over there," Frank ordered from his seat before the desk.

"Yes sir," Radar complied, taking the picture of Frank's family and setting it on top of the filing cabinet. "Anything else sir?" he questioned.

Frank shook his head. "No, that'll be all," he stated.

Radar turned around and left the room.

"Boy do I have my hands full with this place," Frank stated. He turned to Margaret who was standing beside him. "How Colonel Blake let this place get so out of hand is beyond me."

"Right," Margaret said, not really mentally there. All morning, she had been thinking about last night. How everything was, almost perfect. She wanted that again, she needed that. There was a difference between Hawkeye and Frank. Not just in the fact that one was a better surgeon or one outranked the other or anything like that. It was something that she had never truly noticed noticed before. Hawkeye was less selfish. It was always evident, but she had never opened her eyes to it. She had never thought to notice it.

Last night, Hawkeye was there for her and with her. He came telling her both what she wanted and needed to hear. Every other night when Frank would get over there, he would make empty promises and expect to get whatever he wanted in return. Sure, she could scare him into getting whatever she wanted, it was just the fact that he actually thought he could get whatever he wanted. He was always whining and complaining, begging for her approval and attention. She didn't want that anymore. She wasn't even sure that she had ever wanted it.

"Margaret? Did you even hear what I said?" he whined.

Margaret snapped out of her thoughts and looked to him. "I'm sorry Frank, I was just thinking about how things are going to change around here. Now that a real man commander is in charge here," she lied. It was what he wanted to hear, so why not humor him?

She just watched as Frank smiled and went on with what ever he felt he was going to do. She knew that Hawkeye and Trapper would go over his head and they would ruin him. She knew that he would be expecting her to back him up. Things were different now though. This wasn't like old times when she stuck by his side no matter what, she was tired of the one sided relationship. She needed something more serious, a relationship where both people were involved, both gave and both received.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Delicate

Margaret sat up on her desk as Hawkeye stood before her, kissing her. His hands caressing her neck. Her arms wrapped around him.

They had been secretly meeting for a couple of weeks now. The only person that knew for sure was Trapper. Others had their ideas and figured they knew what was going on between the two.

Hawkeye pulled back and flashed her one of his cheeky grins. "You want another drink?" he offered.

"Yes," she answered, running her hand through her hair. She got down from the desk and went over to the cot where she waited for him.

"I have to give it up to you Major," Hawkeye mentioned as he started pouring her drink. "You have certainly made these last couple of weeks worth it for me to be here," he said, holding her glass out to her.

Margaret took the glass and waited for him to sit down next to her. "You know, you've made this place a lot easier for me too," she stated, smiling to him.

Hawkeye took a drink out of his glass and sighed. "You know, you're one of the only girls that I have actually made an effort to stay with?" he questioned. He saw Margaret's eyes light up with interest. "Really! Just you, and some girl that left me back home," he informed her.

Margaret laughed. "I have a confession to make too," she announced.

"What's that?" Hawkeye asked. He could tell that she was just starting to get a little drunk. He didn't mind though, he thought she was cute when she was a bit tipsy. Then again, he could feel himself starting to get a little drunk too.

Margaret took a sip and then set her glass down on the floor next to the cot. "You're the only person that I have gone out with that hasn't outranked me," she stated.

Hawkeye chuckled at the comment, but started to really think about it. "Serious?" he implored, a little concerned.

Margaret looked down and nodded. "I usually do whatever my daddy wants me to do," she admitted.

"And who daddy wants you to do," Hawkeye added.

Margaret just glared up to him. He could definitely tell that she was drunk though now, because instead of yelling at him for the comment, she just ignored it and let it go. "Can I confide in you?" she requested.

Hawkeye caught onto how serious she was, and set his drink down on the ground. "Of course," he replied.

Margaret nodded. "I do whatever daddy wants me to do. If he said join the army, I joined the army. If he said be a nurse, I became a nurse. So, naturally, the higher the rank, the better the man, meaning that the men who outrank me must be pretty good men," she explained.

"Do you really believe that?" he questioned.

Margaret smiled at him. "Nope," she answered. "Not now, at least," she continued.

The room fell silent as she looked off towards the side. She knew that Hawkeye was watching her, waiting for her to say something more. She was hoping though, that he picked up on the fact that he was the one that had changed that. He was the one who opened her eyes to what was wrong with her thinking. "You wanna know what I've always wanted in a man?" she flatly asked.

"Sure," he responded, interested to see where this was going.

Margaret looked back to him. "I just want someone to actually care. You know? Not just respect me for what I do, not just someone who is proud of me, but someone who would care no matter what. I want someone who could tell me that they love me, even if I completely screwed up," she explained.

"Unconditional love," Hawkeye remarked.

"Yeah," Margaret said, looking down towards the cot.

Hawkeye could tell that there was something bothering her. It was almost as if she were ashamed of something. "Who doesn't want that?" he asked.

Margaret looked back up and nodded. "What about you?" she questioned. "What do you want?"

"Someone to keep me from going overboard," he responded.

Margaret softly laughed as she leaned over and grabbed her drink from off the ground and took a sip. "What do you mean?"

"Forget it," he said, grabbing his drink. He could tell that she didn't understand and just felt that trying to explain it to her would be a waste of time. "It's nothing."

"Oh come on," she pleaded. "I told you mine."

Hawkeye sighed. "Sometimes, I have the tendency to not let things go or I over do things. Sometimes that scares me," he confessed.

"What are you afraid of?" she questioned. Staring into his eyes, she could tell that he was thinking hard about something.

"I don't know," Hawkeye admitted. "Maybe doing something that I'll deeply regret or something. All I know is that I am stubborn and I am hard headed," he explained.

There was a true fear present that Margaret could sense, but instead of hounding him on it, she let it go. That is what she would want him to do, so she did it for him. Besides, they were supposed to be having a nice night, why start an argument?

"All I was ever afraid of was loud noises," she remarked, before taking another drink. It was time to move off of him anyways. She could see that he was getting uncomfortable.

Hawkeye raised his eyebrows. "That's all?" he implored in disbelief.

"Mmhmm," she responded.

"That can't be all," he argued. No one was ever just afraid of one thing. "I mean, there has to be something else, like dying," he stated.

Margaret just looked to him for a minute. She did fear another thing. It was completely different, and a lot scarier to her than loud noises. The only thing was, she didn't want to have to explain it. But then again, she let him off the hook. "Rape," she muttered, unsure of herself.

Hawkeye's eyes widened with surprise. For some reason, that was not what he had expected to hear. "That makes sense," he stated. Then, he started to think about it. "You always were a little fixated on that weren't you?" he asked.

"What?" she questioned.

"Every time we were threatened or we had to move or something you always said to make sure that you and your nurses wouldn't be violated," he explained. It was true, she never brought up anything else, like getting hurt or killed.

Margaret was about to say something, but hesitated. He was right, and there was no way to prove him wrong.

The air became still and quiet between the two. This was the first time in the past two weeks that they had actually truly talked to each other. The first time they learned something about each other.

Hawkeye just sat there and watched her. She was vulnerable. Never before had she truly shown that to him. Here and there he would see the glimpses of how fragile she was, but never before had he seen her this way. Those words from her, all she wanted was someone to truly love her. Only a few words, but they meant so much to him, especially after he sat back and thought about them.

"I love you too," he steadily announced.

Margaret's eyes widened with surprise. "What?" she asked.

It was risky, but he did it. "I love you too," he repeated himself, making sure that he was speaking clearly enough for her to understand this time.

Margaret smiled just before throwing her arms around him. After a second of embracing him, she slightly pulled back and planted a kiss on his lips. "I love you too," she stated.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Replaced

Frank was starting to catch on to the fact that Margaret was not interested in him the way that she used to be. Sitting in his new office alone, he stared towards the window. Leadership was not all that is was cracked up to be. He was missing the way that things used to be.

Perhaps it was the odd way that this was run that brought them together. Maybe it was Henry's failures as a leader that kept them close as they worked together to right the wrongs. Now, there was nothing to keep them together.

Either way, he was losing her and he couldn't handle it. The last thing that he wanted was to be the only one on his side. The only thing that had kept him going this far was Margaret. Without her, there was no reason to be constantly going up against everyone else there. Yes, he did always disagree with Hawkeye and Trapper, and he did believe that the camp could be run better, but at the same time, there were a lot of times where he had just wanted to throw in the towel and give up. He certainly would have made a lot more friends that way.

She was the one that drove him further though. He wanted to impress her and show her how much of a leader he can be. Without her, there was nothing. His only friend was gone.

"Mail call sir," Klinger announced as he walked through the door.

"Don't you ever knock?" Frank snapped.

"Sorry sir," Klinger said and then backed up to the door and knocked on the wooden frame. "That better?" he sourly asked. All he wanted to do was get through his job for the day and get back to his tent and get out of his fatigues. The new commander was becoming too much for him to stand anymore.

"Just give me the mail and leave," Frank ordered.

"You're wish is my command sir," Klinger mocked as he tossed the pile down on his desk. He knew exactly what was there, and was excited for him to read it. Of course, he would be waiting outside the door with Radar.

"Dismissed," Frank stated as he stared down at the pile of letters.

Klinger saluted and then rushed out of the room.

"He see it yet?" Radar asked, anxiously waiting outside the door.

"You'll know as he does," Klinger responded. He set his bag down beside the cot and went over to stand by Radar at the desk. They both sat there in silence.

All the sudden, the door busted open and Frank hurried out and over to Radar. "Get me HQ now!" he demanded. He then looked over to Klinger. "Well? What are you still doing here? Don't you have work you should be doing?" he angrily questioned.

Klinger just sighed in disappointment as he went over and grabbed the mail bag. "See ya Radar," he said as he left.

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Hawkeye, Margaret, and Trapper were sitting in the Swamp. Margaret knew that Trapper knew about them, and was starting to be okay with that, just as long as no one else knew.

She sat on the chair while Hawkeye and Trapper sat on their cots. She went ahead and took a drink of the martini that Hawkeye had just fixed for her. "You know," she started, her face twisted with disgust. "I think you did something wrong," she informed them.

Hawkeye and Trapper each took a gulp and then shrugged to each other. "I don't know," Hawkeye said and then took another drink. "You taste anything different?"

Trapper took another sip. "Maybe too much gin?" he guessed.

Margaret rolled her eyes. "What's the difference between this and the stuff you bring over?" she implored. There had to have been something different. The stuff that he would bring with him didn't taste nearly this strong.

"I think it depends on whose shorts we use. Every time I make it before I come to your tent, I use mine and then the other times, we use his," Hawkeye explained.

Trapper raised his eyebrows. "Well, how do you like that? She thinks your shorts taste better than mine. And I even go through the trouble to actually clean mine," he stated.

"To my tasty, dirty shorts," Hawkeye said as he raised his glass.

"That's disgusting," Margaret informed him before taking another sip.

"You're still drinking it," Hawkeye argued.

Trapper laughed and then set his glass down. "She's giving me a chance," he joked and then looked over to her . "You know, when he leaves, you can try the real thing," he suggested.

Margaret rolled her eyes. "My god," she sighed. She was glad that she was being accepted, but at the time, she could only take so much at one time.

"Oh no," Hawkeye announced as he set his drink down. "You can't downgrade after you've had the best," he stated.

"Uh huh," Margaret said and then smirked over to him.

"What?" Hawkeye questioned.

"Don't be so sure that it's you that makes it so fun. As I recall, I did most the work last night," she informed him before quickly looking down to her drink. She felt a little weird saying something like that. It was unlike her, but she was going out with this guy, and she wanted to show him that she could have fun sometimes

Trapper busted up laughing. Before he could say anything, Klinger rushed into the room. "Sirs, you gotta come quick. Major Burns just got the letter telling him that he's gonna be replaced!" he announced with excitement. Just then, he looked down and saw Margaret.

"I just needed a drink," Margaret explained to him before he asked.

Klinger just nodded and then left.

Margaret stood up and sighed. "I had better go make sure that he doesn't completely lose it," she said.

"I think now's the time to tell you that I'm the jealous type," Hawkeye announced, smiling to her. He knew that she wouldn't even kiss the man anymore, but he still had to wonder why she was going to talk to him.

Margaret smiled to him. "Don't worry, we're just friends now," she informed him and then left.

She got over to his office and walked in. "What's this nonsense I hear about you getting replaced?" she yelled as she walked over to his desk.

"I don't know," he cried. "I finally made it and they pulled the mat right out from under me Margaret," he said.

"I know," she comforted him and then went and hugged him. "They're the ones making the huge mistake," she told him. It was obvious why he was being replaced, but she thought that Frank had suffered enough without knowing that.

"It's not fair!" Frank whined.

Margaret sighed. "Life never is," she explained.

Frank then pulled away from her embrace and stood up. "Well, I'm going to go show them what a mistake they've made," he announced.

"Wait! Frank!" she called out to him as he left the room. "Don't you dare do anything that you'll regret!" she demanded, but it didn't stop him, and at this point, she had to let him go.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Jealousy (part 1)

Margaret headed back to the swamp. She knew that they didn't care for Frank, but this was something serious. She was certain that he was going off the deep end, and someone needed to pull him back before he did something to endanger himself or others.

"He ran off!" she quickly announced as she entered the tent.

Both Hawkeye and Trapper looked to her with concern. "As in desertion?" Trapper questioned. He knew that Frank would take it hard, but he never thought of him as being the one to just get up and leave.

"I don't think so," she answered. "He had his gun with him. The last thing he said before he left was that he was going to make them sorry or something like that," she anxiously explained.

Hawkeye thought that this was one of the best things that could happen in this place, but he also saw how much it upset Margaret and decided that it would be best to do what would make her happy. Really, he figured that Frank would just go out for a little bit and then come back in the middle of the night and pout, but if Margaret needed to know where he was and make sure he was okay, he would go out and try to find him.

"Cover for me if any wounded come in," Hawkeye told Trapper as he stood up. "I'll be back in a little bit," he informed them before he left.

"Wait," she said stopping him.

Hawkeye turned around and didn't even give her a chance to say anything. "Look, we're short on surgeons as it is, and until this Colonel Potter gets here, we're going to have to settle for Frank because there is no way that I am going to spend an extra seven hours in OR because we don't have him around to at least stitch boys up," he explained and then left.

"You're about him now aren't you?" Trapper questioned.

Margaret wheeled around to him. "What?" she asked, not clearly understanding which one he was talking about.

Trapper smiled. "Hawk," he replied.

Yes. Frank was out there, out of his mind and with a loaded gun. She just sent her boyfriend out there to find him and maybe get shot.

Trapper saw the guilt in her eyes and laughed. She still saw Frank a lot different than everyone else did. "Trust me, Frank won't even aim at him," he assured her.

"I hope you're right," Margaret responded.

O o o o o o o o o o o

Hawkeye made his way out to one of the fields right outside of the camp. The place was pretty quiet, which made him feel somewhat uneasy. "Frank?" he called out, hoping that he might get a response.

"No?" he then asked, after only getting silence. He took a few more steps and saw movement. "Frank?" he tried again.

"Shut up!" Frank warned, poking his head out from behind a tree. "You don't want them to know we're here do you?" he asked.

Hawkeye looked to him with confusion as he carefully approached him. "Want who to know we're here?" he implored.

"The North Koreans," Frank whispered.

"Frank, I think they already know we're here. If they didn't they wouldn't be shooting at us," Hawkeye replied. "Now stop acting so paranoid and get back to camp before everyone finds out that you ran away," he ordered.

"I can't go back there yet," Frank responded.

Hawkeye sighed and leaned against the tree. "Why not?" he asked.

Frank looked around and then leaned in closer to Hawkeye. "They want me to prove that I can command, and in order to do that, I have to show them that I can spot the enemy and the only way to do that is to get a prisoner," he explained.

Hawkeye blankly stared to him. "Uh huh..." he responded. "Who is this them that you're talking about?" he inquired.

"HQ," Frank replied.

Hawkeye sighed. He really just wanted to get this all over with and get back to camp. "Listen, you come back with me, and I'll tell them that you did have a hostage. You just had to let them go to protect you're camp because they had a bomb planted in them," he offered.

Frank looked over to him, perplexed. "You think they would believe that?" he questioned.

Hawkeye just shrugged. "Why not? Everyone knows you can catch one if you really wanted to," he forced himself to say. He hated saying it, but what ever got this over with sooner.

Frank just looked to him and thought for a moment. "All right," he reluctantly agreed.

"Good," Hawkeye said and then started leading him back to the camp.

O o o o o o

Hawkeye brought Frank back to the swamp where Trapper and Margaret were waiting. "We're home!" he announced as he walked in with Frank a few steps behind.

Margaret stood up and smiled. "Thank you," she said. As soon as Frank walked in, she went over and grabbed his shoulders. "What the hell did you think you were doing?" she asked, her mood drastically changing.

Hawkeye sat down and looked over to Trapper. They both wanted to see what she was about to do to him.

"I wanted to go out and prove myself," Frank whined. "They think t hat they can replace me so easily."

Margaret sighed. "Why don't you just go and start cleaning out your tent. Once the new CO gets here you can talk to him about it," she instructed.

Frank sighed and then looked over to Hawkeye and Trapper and then back to her. "Hey, I think we need to talk. We haven't talked in a while," he started.

"Frank, I'm busy tonight," she told him.

"But Margaret!" he whined. "Why not?"

"Because Frank! I already told you. I'm busy tonight. I have to work in post op," she lied.

Frank then glared over to Hawkeye. He had seen the two together more lately and was starting to think that there was something going on between them. He was taking her away from him. "Sure you are," he snobbishly remarked and then left.

"What was that all about?" Hawkeye asked, watching him walk back to his tent.

Margaret turned to him, nervous. "You don't think he knows," she whispered.

Hawkeye just laughed. "Frank?" he questioned with disbelief.

Trapper looked over to him. "Hey, I wouldn't laugh so quickly. Did you see the way that he look at you? I'm surprised he didn't try to shoot you," he informed him.

Margaret was starting to get nervous. The last thing she needed was for her reputation to be ruined because of rumors that Frank started spreading around. Although, they weren't actually rumors at this point. "I've gotta go talk to him," she announced and then hastened to the door.

"Just make sure you actually talk and don't _talk_," Hawkeye called out after her.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Jealousy (part 2)

Margaret marched over to where she knew Frank had to be, sulking in what used to be his office. "Frank?" she called out, stepping into his office.

Frank looked up from his desk. "What is it?" he sourly asked. He wasn't quite done pouting yet.

"People will respect you more later on if you handle this like a man," she explained. "Besides, I know you deserved this, and you know you deserved. Why does it matter what everyone else thinks out there?" Margaret questioned.

Frank looked up to her. She was still standing by the closed door and not beside him. Normally, she would have been right there with him, but today, she was keeping her distance. "Margaret! You're supposed to be over here making me feel better!" he whined.

"That's what I'm trying to do Frank!" she argued.

"Oh I get it," Frank stated as he stood up. "You're disappointed in me too. There's no way that a failed CO is good enough for you."

Margaret huffed. This was getting annoying. Now that she had been with Hawkeye, she had a chance to step back and see Frank Burns how everyone else saw him. She always knew that he was whiny and that he was more like a little kid than a grown man, but she never fully realized exactly how annoying he could be until now. She had been annoyed by him before, but this was getting ridiculous. "You know that's not true," she argued.

"Then why are you and Pierce always together now?" he asked.

Margaret stood there for a moment, taken aback by the question. That glare, he did know, it wasn't her imagination. "We're just friends," she lied, trying to maintain her composure.

Frank sat back down and looked to her, pleading eyes. "But I thought that it was us against them, and how it can us against them if you're friends with one of them?" he implored.

Margaret sighed. "And you don't think that they'll listen to me more if I'm friends with them?" she asked. It was the first thing that came to mind, and now she was hoping that it would work. "I thought your job as CO here would be a little less stressful if I could get them to behave. Just for the first couple of months while you got settled in."

"Well you can stop now," Frank stated.

Margaret just looked to him. She didn't think about that fact. Then again, her brain had started shutting down a few minutes ago when she needed it most. "But they haven't done anything horrible yet, don't you want it to stay that way? At least until the new man gets here?" she asked.

"How about you meet me tonight and we can discuss it?" Frank questioned.

"Okay," Margaret obliged. She was sure that they could behave. She knew that she could, and then if he tried anything, she could easily kick him out. "I got out of post op at nine," she said and then walked out.

ooo

Margaret went back to the Swamp where Hawkeye and Trapper were waiting for her to come back. "How did your talk with Ferret Face go?" Hawkeye implored.

Margaret slowly closed the door behind her and nervously looked to him. "We have to talk," she announced.

"Here? Or at your place?" Hawkeye asked.

"Mine, in about an hour," Margaret explained and then left.

Hawkeye and Trapper exchanged looks. "Well," Trapper started. "I don't think it went how she wanted."

"I think he knows," Hawkeye said and then stood up and looked towards her tent. "You know what really stinks?" he questioned, turning back towards Trapper. "I think she sees this as something worth ending our relationship over."

"Why are you stressing out now? She hasn't broken up with you," Trapper responded, trying to get him to calm down.

"Because, that's how she is! What she thinks her reputation is, is important to her. She can't handle people talking about us sleeping together. I mean, I'm convinced that she and Frank were convinced that no one knew about them. I'm also convinced that if Frank knows about the two of us, that she'll pick up on the fact that most people are aware and want to prove them wrong," Hawkeye explained, getting himself worked up.

Trapper looked up and shrugged. "The way I see it, if she really feels that way about the two of you, then she isn't worth all this stress," he casually informed him.

Hawkeye just stopped and looked to him. His shoulders dropped. "Yeah," he distantly replied and then turned back and looked towards her tent.

That thought had never even entered his head. Hawkeye had just gotten used to the way that Margaret was, he expected it out of her and would have gotten worried if she acted any differently. Trapper was right though, if she was that worried about being seen with him, if she was that ashamed of dating him, then she wasn't worth all the stress.

ooo

Margaret nervously sat on her cot as she waited for Hawkeye to come. It had been an hour and she needed to talk to him. The longer that she had to wait, the more nervous she was growing.

Hawkeye casually entered the tent and closed the door behind him. "Hey Margaret, you wanted to talk?" he implored. During the last hour, he had calmed himself down and was ready to hear the worst. He was going to give her a chance though, let her talk before he jumped on her. There was some hope that he held onto though, hope that she might have changed, just a little.

"Yeah," Margaret breathed out. "He thinks that I'm friends with you and Trapper so that you two will listen to him better."

"So he's delusional as usual," Hawkeye commented.

Margaret sighed. "I lied to him to buy a little more time in order to think of a better lie to tell him," she explained.

Hawkeye looked up to her, this was the time to start asking questions. "Why do you care so much about whether or not he knows?" he steadily asked.

"He doesn't handle bad news too well. If he finds out about us he might just go insane," Margaret explained, beginning to wonder why he had to ask. She was sure that Hawkeye could be able to see that.

"Are you worried about other people finding out about us?" Hawkeye implored.

Margaret stared to him for a moment, as if she was waiting for him to say that he was joking. "Yes," she answered.

Hawkeye looked down and scratched the back of his head. "I see," he said and then looked back up to her. "See ya," he said and then stood up to go leave.

Margaret quickly jumped up. "Wait!" she ordered. "Why these questions all the sudden?"

Hawkeye stopped and turned around to face her. "How about you tell me why you are so ashamed for people to find out that you're dating me instead of the married man?" he snapped. "We've been together for three weeks, and still the most important thing on your list is whether or not other people find out about us!"

Margaret remained stoic, briefly at loss for words. "I happen to care about my reputation. How do you think it looks if I'm sleeping around with the men here?" she questioned.

"The chief surgeon as opposed to the various Generals that have come through here and the married Major? Yeah, I'm sure that I'm the one that will tarnish your good name, hotlips," he scoffed. The more he did think about it, the more angry it made him. He would have been excited to announce to anyone there that he was with her. He wanted Trapper to know, and he would have wanted Henry to know. Why was she was concerned with the secrecy? At first, it might have been a little understandable. A couple flings was never anything to share with everyone, but this was starting to get serious. They were spending most of their free time with each other. As far as he was concerned, he wanted to spend more time with her after they were able to go home.

"How dare you make those types of accusations! Those Generals happen to have been close to my father! They are very close to my family! That's why I spend time with them talking about my father and the war and how things are going!" she explained.

Hawkeye chuckled. "Does daddy know just how much closer his little girl is to his friends? Or was that part of that whole, I only do what my father tells me to do type deal?" he shot back.

Margaret was now seething with anger. "Get out," she firmly demanded, trying her hardest to keep her voice down.

"First, you tell me why you care so much about what other people think," Hawkeye stubbornly ordered.

"I said, get out now Pierce!" she slightly raised her voice. "That's an order!"

Hawkeye stood there, suddenly realizing that he had gone a little too far. She was back to calling him Pierce instead of Hawkeye. "Listen, Margaret," he gently started, carefully approaching her. "I'm sorry."

"I swear I'll file charges if you do not leave this tent this instant," Margaret informed him.

Hawkeye sighed. "Fine," he said throwing his hands up in defeat. "I'll leave."

Margaret sternly stood there and watched as he left the tent. Her shoulders dropped, and she allowed herself to calm down. Now, that she stood alone in the silence, she regretted what just happened. Why couldn't she have just accepted his apology? Why did she have to send him out?

Instead of thinking too much and keeping herself fixated on the last few minutes, she went and started on some paper work that she had to get done before the end of the week.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Getting Out of Here

Margaret sat alone in her tent. A week had passed since Hawkeye had last come to see her. Ever since then, the two had been avoiding each other. This was pretty easy to do at first. It was a small camp though, and somehow started to seem even smaller. When ever they would see each other in the mess tent, they would make sure to pretend that they hadn't even noticed the other's presence. The sessions in OR were the worst. There were a couple of times in which Colonel Potter had Margaret assist Hawkeye.

They were cold and bitter towards each other went they weren't avoiding each other. As of yesterday, Margaret had tried going back to Frank. This time around though, it was hard. The time spent apart from him had allowed her to step back and see everything that she disliked about him, and now, those were the only things that she noticed anymore.

She laid back on her cot and started up towards the ceiling. Even though she was miserable, and she liked to think that it wasn't her fault, she knew that it was. Hawkeye did nothing wrong, nothing that most guys wouldn't do. If anything, she should have been honored that he wanted everyone to know, he was proud to be with her, and not just sleeping with her. He was happy and he wanted everyone to know. At the same point, he had a right to be offended. She was basically telling him that he wasn't good enough to be seen with her.

It had nothing to do with the fact that he wasn't good enough for her. As a matter of fact, there were times that she felt she didn't deserve him. Really, she was afraid. She was scared by the feelings that she had towards him. It was one of the first times that she had allowed anyone to see her vulnerable and scared. She allowed herself to open up to him. In a way, she was growing to actually need someone. These weren't small little flings that she enjoyed here and there, this was turning into something serious and she didn't think that she could handle it. She wasn't ready to trade her independence for a relationship. It might be a silly fear, but that was how she felt. And now, she was paying for those feelings. Yes, she might be on her own and independent now, but she was lonelier than she had ever been.

As desperately as she wanted to go apologize to him, to get back what she used to have, she couldn't. He would never accept it, not after the way that she threw him out after he tried to apologize for his comments. Although, in the back of her head, she knew that there was truth to what he had said.

"I need to get out of here," she told herself. Even if just for two days in Tokyo, she needed to get out of here, get away from Hawkeye. Just a chance to be able to clearly think without the memories forcing themselves back into her mind every time that she tried to move on.

ooo

Hawkeye sat in the swamp with Trapper, staring out towards the compound. He too had missed what he and Margaret had. The only thing keeping him from being friendly to her though was the fact that she had hurt him, and he knew that he would get hurt exactly the same way again.

"Can you believe it?" Trapper gleamed. He was looking at the travel orders that he had just received. "I'm going home!" he announced.

"Yeah," Hawkeye absently responded. He refused to come back to reality.

Trapper sighed. "Hey, the least you can do is be happy with me for at least a few minutes," he stated.

Hawkeye finally came out of his daze and looked over to Trapper. "Sorry Trap, I'll throw you a party tonight. How does that sound?" he offered. He knew that this was a time to celebrate, and that if he acted like this up until he left, that he would regret it.

"You better," Trapper replied.

Hawkeye smiled to him. "You know I don't take orders well," he remarked.

"Please?" Trapper asked.

"Now that's more like it," Hawkeye said.

The last thing that he felt like doing was planning a party for someone, but he did owe it to him. It was also a good idea to get his thoughts concentrated on something else for a little while. The entire thing with Margaret was starting to become an object of obsession to him. Nothing dangerous or creepy, just the constant replay of their last moments as a couple, the thoughts of what he could have changed, the different out comes that could have occurred. He wanted to be able to go back and change it, but he couldn't. Mostly though, he wanted to find a way to get Margaret to explain to him why she was so secretive.

ooo

Colonel Potter sat in his office as Radar stepped in and stood before him. "I sent out the daily reports, filled the request forms for more thermometers, and there is an ambulance coming to pick up the out going patients in two hours," he announced to him, as he kept nervously looking down. Radar was still trying to get used to the new man in charge.

Colonel Potter nodded. "Very good," he stated.

"And sir? Captain Pierce wants to use the Officer's Club to throw Captain McIntyre a farewell party since he's leaving soon," Radar added.

Colonel Potter smiled. He had only been with these people a few days, but he knew Hawkeye and Trapper by now, and he did like them both. "Tell him it's okay with me," he replied.

"Good," Radar said. "Cus he already started decorating and I don't think I could have told him to stop," he explained.

Potter looked down towards his desk and nodded. "Very well," he responded. There were still some things that he had to get used to around here.

Radar turned and walked out the door. He got to his desk and sat down. Without another moment's passing, the door opened and Margaret entered the room. Radar would usually jump, but there was something different about her. She looked fragile, maybe, weak almost. He knew about what had happened between her and Hawkeye, but he never thought that it would affect her this way. "He's free," Radar informed her before she even had a chance to ask.

Margaret walked through to Colonel Potter's office and stood before his desk.

"Yes Major?" he questioned, looking up from his paperwork.

Margaret took a deep breath, hoping for the best. "I would like to request a three day pass to Tokyo," she stated.

Colonel Potter sat there and thought for a moment. "Well," he started. "I heard this morning that we aren't expecting heavy casualties until next week. Could you leave tomorrow morning so you could be back by Saturday night?" he implored.

Margaret smiled. "Yes Colonel, that would be fine," she answered. The first good thing that she had heard around here in a while.

"Then it's all your's," he announced with a smile.

"Thank you sir," she said before she turned and left.

ooo

That night, every one was in the Officer's Club for a goodbye party for Trapper. While Trapper was off talking to a couple of the nurses, Hawkeye sat at the table in the corner, slowly sipping at his drink as he watched everyone else in the room. He saw Trapper off laughing with Anderson, Potter looked like he was talking to Klinger and trying to figure out what was wrong with him, Radar was dancing with one of the nurses, although neither of them looked like they could even remember their own names at this point. That left Margaret. He spotted her sitting at a table across the room with Frank. Neither of them were talking, and she looked pretty miserable.

"Here's the life of the party himself!" Trapper announced as he walked over and sat down at the table.

Hawkeye looked up to him and forced a smile. "Looks like someone's having a good time," he mentioned.

Trapper laughed. "Too bad I won't remember this tomorrow," he replied. He then saw Hawkeye absently stare across the room. Following his gaze, he saw Margaret and Frank sitting together. They looked as if they were judging everyone there. "Just like old times huh?" he asked, looking back to Hawkeye.

"Yeah," Hawkeye breathed out, looking down to his drink. "Back to the way it used to be around here."

"I don't know about that. I mean, she's back with him, but she doesn't look as happy as she used to. I also don't see Frank leaving the tent and staying out all night like he used to," Trapper informed him.

"You don't have to try and make me feel better about this," Hawkeye stated. "I'm happy for them. Really. They deserve each other. She can boss him around and he can take it, as a matter of fact I think he craves it. Both of them also want to keep what they have a secret. They're perfect together," he explained.

Trapper glanced back at Margaret and then looked to Hawkeye. "I think you need to talk to her," he firmly stated.

Hawkeye took a sip and then set the empty glass down on the table. "You're drunk," he accused, pointing towards him.

Trapper shrugged. "Well, that's how obvious it is, even the drunk can pick up on it," he replied.

Hawkeye lowered his head. "I don't know," he sighed. Looking back up, he was able to see the same image as before, Margaret and Frank sitting together. To him, it was clearly over and there was nothing that could be done. Besides, he didn't want to get back into the same situation. To him, it was obvious that she was embarrassed to be with him, and that was not a relationship worth having. "What could we possibly talk about?" he implored.

"Why you're taking this so personally," Trapper answered. He could see that he had sparked Hawkeye's interest. "She lies about old ferret face over there and she lies about every general that comes through here. What were you expecting? Her to somehow just completely change everything because you waltz in?"

Hawkeye sighed. He was right, it was a bit out there for him to expect this sudden change. He was trying to get her to drop a habit that she had been tightly holding onto for a while. ""I guess you're right," Hawkeye said. He then smirked to Trapper. "You think that you could get Frank out of here for a little bit?" he requested.

Trapper smiled to him. "I'm offended. I thought you knew me better than that. You shouldn't even have to ask," he replied and then stood up to leave the table.

Hawkeye sat and watched as Trapper went over and whispered something to Radar. As soon as he was done, Radar stepped back and then hurried out of the building. Trapper smiled back to Hawkeye and went on to talk to other people in the room. Moments later, Radar came back in the Officer's Club and told Frank that there was a call from his wife.

"Here's your chance," Trapper announced to Hawkeye.

Hawkeye smiled to him and then carefully stood up and started heading towards the table that Margaret sat at, alone. "I think we should talk," he blurted out.

Margaret looked up to him, wondering if she could really trust this. After a moment, she sighed and gave in to his request. "Fine," she said.

Hawkeye stood there, waiting for her to stand up, but he could see that she wasn't going to. "Step outside?" he questioned.

Margaret nodded and obliged. She took one final gulp of her drink before she stoop up and followed him outside. They walked until they were around the back where no one could see them.

"Listen," Hawkeye started. It was cold, and it was dark and both of them wanted to get back inside as soon as possible, so he knew that he had better just get to the point. "I shouldn't have gotten so upset with you."

Margaret looked down, ashamed almost. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I'm sorry," she said and then looked up to see his reaction, to know whether or not she had a chance of being forgiven.

Hawkeye nodded, his eyes down to the ground. Solemnly, he shrugged. "You were doing what was natural to you," he sadly sighed.

Margaret looked to him, knowing that it was still bothering him. "I'm not back together with Frank," she informed him. Once he looked to her, a little surprised, she slightly smiled. "I saw you and McIntyre looking at us," she stated. In a way, it comforted her a little to know that he was still thinking about her. She hated to see him upset, but she still needed to know that someone cared a little about what she was doing.

There was another silence. Hawkeye looked out towards the empty field. That was one of the places that they had both went to be alone.

Margaret followed his gaze. She was about to mention the fact that they should start heading back inside before anyone said anything, but now was not the time to care. If she did that now, there would be no way that he would ever talk to her again. "Now what?" she carefully implored. Almost desperately, she wondered what was running through his mind.

Hawkeye looked to her. "I don't know," he absently admitted. His eyes were on her, but it was as if he weren't truly there.

Margaret looked down and nodded. "I'm gonna head back inside," she stated.

Hawkeye looked to her and watched her as she started to leave. "Why are you so afraid of what other people think?" he called out to her.

Margaret stopped dead in her tracks and turned back to him. "Because I have to care," she firmly answered. "I am a Major in the US army serving as the head nurse in the middle of a country that I have never been to before while a few miles away people are dropping bombs and shooting at each other. I'm level headed and I'm good at what I do and I need the respect of the other nurses so that they will listen to me when it's important," she explained.

"Do you seriously believe that if you allow yourself to be human here, that you will lose every ounce of respect from everyone here?" he questioned, knowing that there had to be more to this.

"What I do in my free time is none of their business. I really don't see why I need to share it with everyone here," she argued, going back to her old reflexes, relying on them for her answers.

Hawkeye laughed in spite of her as he shook his head. "You never do cease to surprise me. Every time that someone tries to talk to you, you put this wall up. It's almost as you're ashamed of yourself of something," he stated. Looking up he could see that she was just staring at him, hiding any emotion for her face. "You know Margaret, respect isn't earned from keeping secrets from everyone. It's not earned through various lies that you tell everyone to make yourself seem better, it's earned by being honest and owning up to your past mistakes," he explained.

Margaret stood there, and sighed. She knew that there was truth to what he said, but she hated to hear it.

Hawkeye watched her, awaiting some sort of response, but all she did was stand there, hopelessly looking to him. "Forget it," he agitatedly breathed out as he turned to walk back into the Officer's Club. Right now, he didn't know what to think of Margaret. There was still that part of him that loved her, and wanted to be with her, but, there was also another part that was getting irritated with her, wishing that she would just relax and stop this stupid little game of her's.

Tears formed in Margaret's eyes as she just watched him leave. Instead of heading back into the party, she went straight for her tent.


End file.
